Facade?

It is my opinion that… feeling overwhelmed is perfectly normal and natural and most of all OKAY. It is not necessary to be “strong” all the time, and it’s perfectly okay to not want to get out of bed. Strong people sometimes feel weak, but because they are seen as “strong” they are afraid to show the weakness and start to put on a façade. Sometimes having to deal with everyday responsibilities becomes too much and you just want to run away. Sometimes you don’t want to wake up because it’s just too much to bear. It’ okay to feel that way, as long as you don’t act on it.

Many people look at others thinking they have it all together when in fact, they are falling apart inside, but are afraid to let people know that. How can you let others know you aren’t as strong and capable as they make you out to be? How do you let them know you don’t want to be on that pedestal, you don’t want to have all that responsibility? Unfortunately, you don’t let them know and you spiral further into your own feelings of despair and hopelessness. Suicide is a major issue facing many people, especially during the winter months. The “winter blues” are very real, and while most people are strong enough to get over the winter blues, too many don’t, and we end up planning or attending their funeral.

Don’t assume that because that person you’re looking at or having a relationship with is strong so you can hurt or disappoint or break their heart. At some point, it becomes too much and that person will break. It’s not always so easy to just “get over it” and the deeper you get involved in something, the more difficult it is to “get over.” Where do you think all those people featured on the “Snapped” television shows come from?

You sometimes see that single mother who just has everything in order.  Her kids are taken care of, they are well-behaved, she has a nice home and car, and all her bills are paid. She has it all together, or so you think. You don’t know about her insecurities and many fears of not always being able to take care of things, of her kids not appreciating all she does and sacrifices for them. You don’t know that she cries herself to sleep every night because that man she trusted her heart with broke it yet again. You don’t know that she seeks refuge in her job because it’s something to keep her mind busy, because when she’s left to her own thoughts, she is tormented and just wants to die. Yet everyone thinks she has it together, and when those stumbling blocks get in the way, she’s told, “it will be all right, you will get over it,” because she always does. Well what happens when she doesn't get over it, or it’s not all right?

You may see the corporate executive who has all the money in he or she needs, dream job, and all the material comforts of life. You envy their lifestyle and money, but you aren't aware of the pressure they deal with on a daily basis to keep that company in order, to maintain the life they live. You don’t see the kids at home who are drug-addicted or always in trouble with the law, or who just don’t care about their parents because their parents are always too busy making sure the money keeps coming in. You don’t see them sleeping in a separate bed from their spouse. Don’t assume someone who seemingly has everything truly has everything.

Praying doesn't always help, and there are times when you feel like God has deserted you. Those are the times when you need to empty your heart to God and make him listen to you, but you also have to open your heart and mind to HEAR His response. Having those feelings are also perfectly normal. Having those feelings of helplessness and hopelessness are okay, as long as they are temporary and you can pull yourself out of it. Everyone has meaning, and everyone is important. God doesn't give us more than we can handle, even if it feels that way at times. The key is to not give up and keep on moving forward.

If you have a strong person in your life, take the time to give him/her a break every now and then. They need it, but won’t ask for it because they are not expected to be overwhelmed. It will be appreciated more than you know, and if you see them going through challenges in life, offer an ear, a shoulder, or just a hug. It will mean the world.

A leopard and its spots

It is my opinion that... the proverbial "leopard" can in fact change its spots. Someone told me that people cannot change because you are intrinsically who you are. A leopard cannot change its spots just like you cannot change the nature of who you are. If you are a gossip or a liar, then that's who you will always be. If you are too trusting you will forever be too trusting of people. I have to respectfully disagree with that viewpoint.
You live your life and you learn from your various experiences, or at least the hope is that you learn from your experiences. For example, if you tend to be a gossip, at some point, that will come back to bite you in the butt. Once that happens, one would hope that the next time you're inclined to spread news about someone, you'll recall the previous repercussions and stop yourself.
If you are someone who is very trusting, and you confide in those you consider your friends, but then you hear your business coming out of someone else's mouth, obviously the person you trusted cannot be trusted. Why confide in that person again?
I know that people are inherently who they are and their characters are pretty much set from the time they are very young, BUT, if you find that who you are isn't working out in your best interests, wouldn't it make sense to change some things about yourself?
When a baby touches the fire and gets burned, that baby stays away from the fire and won't touch it again, because the memory of being burned is there. Why should it be different for adults? True, some people never learn and continue making the same bad decisions over and over, but I don't believe that is true for everyone. Although it may be your nature to be one way, if you are motivated enough, you can make changes. I know that I have changed a lot in just the last few years, and some of those changes are in my character and who I believe I am as a person. I've had to learn several lessons the hard way, and so now instead of getting burned again, I proceed with caution or I walk around the fire. I'm not the same person I was ten years ago, or even two years ago. I've endured a lot and I've learned a lot about myself and people I choose to be around, so yes, I have changed my spots so to speak. It is definitely my opinion that while those spots may not change altogether, they may change definition or simply fade away.

Friends...

It is my opinion that... true friends are truly a gem, and very hard to find. Many people claim to be your friend, but are they really? Are they reliable when you are down and hurt? Do you have your back when you need someone to lean on? Can they be trusted to keep your secrets?
After almost forty years on this earth, I've learned that there isn't really anyone I can truly trust and call a friend. I have many acquaintances, but not too many "friends." I find that my biggest mistake is in thinking that the people I associate with and do the most for would do the same for me in return. As a result of my flawed thinking, I end up hurt and confused too often.
I am the friend who will answer the phone at any time, day or night. I will get in my car and run to you, no questions asked. I will bring you food and provide shelter if necessary, no hesitation, no questions asked. It's really sad that I haven't found the "friend" yet who is willing to do the same for me. I get a lot of excuses and apologies, but not the reliability I give to them. It seems I may have to change who I am to prevent future hurt and heartache. I will stop answering my phone, I will not return text messages, and I will find something more important than you when you need me. It seems only fair, then when it happens to me, I won't be so hurt.

I'm reminded of the TLC song, "What about your friends... Will they stand their ground, will they let you down again? What about your friends? Are they gonna be low down, will they ever be around, or will they turn their backs on you?"

It's sad that it has taken me almost 40 years to realize that I have no friends, and now I will go about my merry way.

Thanks to YouTube for the following: